I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
