Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
