he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
