you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
