nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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