My Higher Power is John Stamos
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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