Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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