watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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