my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she looked like the before picture.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
