he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
