Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
