He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
