i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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