I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
