Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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