I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
