so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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