He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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