Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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