Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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