dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this just has baby written all over it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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