I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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