I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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