I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
