I'm eating all of the evidence.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Randomize
