I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
