what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
