I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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