it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
