Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My life is pants optional.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
