i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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