I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
