dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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