FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sext me about skeletons
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
