Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
