yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
