just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
