I have demons in me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
