I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
