I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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