You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
