She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
