Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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