You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
