ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
