Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
