Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
