i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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