you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
