I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize