Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
