you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
