I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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