I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This is my gift to your gina
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
