I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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