So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
