dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
