The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just had sex on a roof
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
