Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
