Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
