so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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