everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
