I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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