I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
