i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
