arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
