that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
