holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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