I bet he comes in French.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
