is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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