I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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