So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You smell like stripper and shame
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
