I'm drive I can fine osifer
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
