Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
