one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
