cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
