I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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