dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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