I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
