i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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